The Rage Inside

Why do I do the things that I do?
It plays havoc in my head,
Oh, how I want to run too.
The rage, the sarcasm, the threats
...it takes over with hate,
They teach me the skills,
one of them is WAIT.
I hurt inside,
the pain stings like a bee
My God, I just want to change,
can't you see
I don't want to feel,
I don't want to remember
The icy feeling inside
reminds me of cold days in December
Having this disorder
is a hard feat to overcome
It leaves me in a place
of wanting to be numb
It's aftermath leaves me feeling
confused and battered
Everything I fought for
no longer mattered
Looking at the destruction
from days gone by
I beat myself up not wanting help,
just wanting to lie
They say EMDR, DBT, therapy,
and hypnosis, they are a cure
I wish I could believe them
but I am so unsure
I want to trust there are
better things to hope for
I want my life and relationships
to be so much more
I will keep working as hard
as I can to get well
Then one day
I will have a story to tell